Today's holiday means that Calla's school was closed, which means that I took the day off to stay home with her. I've been worried that Calla knows something is up because she's been extra clingy and hyper lately, so I'm hoping that having the whole day together will help with that. On a side note, I love that kid more than life itself, but don't know how stay-at-home moms do it. But I digress...
The strangest part of this whole situation is that I feel physically fine, but the fact that I have cancer is always present somewhere in my brain. This weekend was totally normal - Calla went to a birthday party, we watched soccer and football (well, Aris watched soccer and I rolled my eyes about Aris always watching soccer), Calla spread her toys all over our living room. Except this weekend wasn't totally normal, because I knew that I have breast cancer.
Despite the fact that having cancer is a little like a cloud hanging over my head, I actually feel pretty much fine emotionally as well, which seems weird. I think I must have some anxiety, because I don't have much of an appetite most of the time. But other than that, I feel basically normal. I don't think I'm in denial, but maybe this just hasn't totally sunk in yet.
I debated about whether to post anything on Facebook, but ultimately thought I might as well just put it out there. I really appreciate all of the positive thoughts and prayers coming my/our way. Again, it feels weird for people to wish me a speedy recovery when I feel fine, but I'm sure I'll need those positive thoughts and prayers soon.
So I still don't know any more of my pathology results, and of course I don't know what the treatment plan will be yet. I have my first appointment with the surgeon on Thursday morning at Rockingham Memorial Hospital, and then a second opinion appointment at the hospital where Aris works (Augusta Health) on Monday afternoon. So far my experience at RMH has been positive and it's much closer, so unless I get really bad vibes from the doctor there or something, that's probably where I'm going to have my treatment. The second opinion seems to make Aris feel better, so that's the main reason I'm doing it.
From everything I've been told and looked up on the Internet (a dangerous pastime, I know), the odds are that I'll have chemo first (maybe as many as 6 months?!?), then surgery, then radiation. So hopefully I'll have a clean bill of health before Calla turns 5 (on November 15).
Of course, that's assuming that the cancer hasn't spread, which I don't know yet. My body feels a little like a ticking time bomb, not knowing if the cancer is limited to my left boob or not. I keep checking my lymph nodes to see if they're swollen or sore (I realize that's not the most accurate medical test). I'm hoping the fact that I feel fine and my lymph nodes are not, in fact, swollen or sore (as far as I can tell) is a good sign. But who knows? I thought I had cysts in my stupid boob.
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