This morning was my first doctor's appointment since my cancer diagnosis. I'm going to be honest and say that I really didn't want to go this morning. I may have, somewhat jokingly, said to Aris, "I feel fine...maybe I'll just ignore this whole thing." This is the type of situation when he really doesn't appreciate my sense of humor. Obviously, I went to the appointment, but I wasn't particularly happy about it.
Since it was a doctor's appointment, the first step of course was to fill out about six questionnaires that all asked the same questions. At the top of the second page, it asked "What is the reason for your visit?" Seriously? If you don't know that, I'm in deep shit. So I wrote "Apparently I have breast cancer." I wanted to write "as you clearly know," but even I know that may have crossed a line.
The very first thing they did was an ultrasound of the lymph nodes on my "cancer side." And of course, there was one lymph node that looked abnormal, so they told me I would need to have a lymph node biopsy. See? This is why I didn't even want to come to the appointment. Sigh.
Then the "Breast Health Navigator" (that's her actual job title, I swear) and breast surgeon came in and proceeded to examine my breasts at the same time - one on each side, and then they switched. So that was weird. Then they went over more details about my pathology report. My cancer is ER (estrogen receptor) and PR (progesterone) positive, which is apparently good. They still don't know my HER2 status, which apparently will affect the type of chemo they give me. My largest tumor is 3.6 cm. So I most likely have Stage II Breast Cancer.
And then we actually discussed my treatment. As I anticipated, I will have neoadjuvant chemotherapy, i.e. chemo before surgery. Most likely, I will have eight 2-week chemo cycles. So 16 weeks of chemo, which is better than the 24 weeks that I thought was possible. Next week I will have an MRI, a PET scan, meet with the oncologist, and get a port surgically implanted. In addition to, you know, trying to work, raise my child, and live my life. The doctor said that my chemo may start as early as next week, but since I'm not meeting with the oncologist until Thursday afternoon, I'm thinking it will actually be the following week.
We talked about whether I could/should continue to work during chemo, and she seemed to think it was very possible. So I'm thinking that I will at least try to only take 2-3 days off on and after the days I have chemo and try to keep working otherwise. It will really just depend on how sick I get, which we won't know until the chemo starts. Part of me really wants to keep working, because I do actually enjoy my work. And I think it would be a little more stressful for me to be away for 6 months and not know what I'm coming back to. I work with great people, but I might possibly be a bit of a control freak. There is also a part of me that just wants to lie on the couch and watch TV all day during my treatment, but it is possible that could get old after a while.
The doctor also said that since I have four "masses," I will almost definitely need a mastectomy as opposed to a lumpectomy. I was still holding out hope that I would be able to save my breast, but this wasn't that surprising really. I can probably have reconstructive surgery at the same time, so there's that at least. But the surgery itself is still five months away, so that's not my main concern right now.
I also had blood drawn for genetic testing, so that could potentially change some treatment decisions. Finally, I had my second biopsy in a week, this time of one of my lymph nodes. It was an easier biopsy than the one of my breast, although as I type this my armpit still hurts. And it was a little annoying that we had to wait about half an hour for the doctor after I was all prepped for the biopsy. I'm supposed to find out the biopsy results tomorrow, and obviously that could affect my treatment as well. So let's just say that everything isn't written in stone yet.
Aris and I are trying to figure out how to tell Calla about all of this. I don't want to tell her more than I need to, but there are clearly some things she's going to notice. Like her parents suddenly having the same hair style. So tonight Aris and I tried to talk to her about mommy not having any hair. She was not happy about that idea, which worries me a little. I honestly didn't think she'd care that much about me losing my hair, but it seems to bother her. So we'll keep talking to her, and hopefully it will just take some time for her to adjust to what's going on.
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