Ups and downs

So again it's been awhile since my last post.  It's hard to think of anything much to write about other than feeling like crap after chemo and then feeling less like crap as time goes on.  I can't imagine anyone wants to read that over and over again, so I figure I'll wait until I have something of substance to write.

The past two weeks have been very up and down.  I had my third chemo treatment on March 4, and the recovery this time was the easiest I've had!  That may be due to the fact that my Vitamin D levels were tested and were VERY low, so I started taking both prescription and over the counter Vitamin D on the day of my chemo treatment.  That weekend was the most "normal" weekend-after-chemo I've had so far, so even though I didn't feel great, I didn't feel like I was dying.  My sister came to visit to help out that weekend, and Calla had a great time with her Aunt Virginia.  My older nephew, who is a junior at Virginia Tech, stopped by on his way home for Spring Break on Saturday, so it was nice to see him as well.

The only time I really felt bad during this post-chemo was on Tuesday morning.  I don't know if it's just because I went into work, which completely exhausted me, but I was in rough shape.  I got through the morning and went home early, and thankfully felt fine the next day.  
Yesterday I had another bad day, although it certainly wasn't as bad as a post-chemo day, but I was just exhausted all day for some reason.  Calla had a birthday party in the morning at the local Children's Museum, so maybe that was what exhausted me.  I kept waiting for the other parents to ask me about the chemo, because I'm sure they all know at this point.  The kids have all asked me to see my bald head, and I'm guessing the kids have said to their parents "Calla's mommy doesn't have any hair!"  No one said a word, though.  I'm guessing if I was in their shoes I wouldn't have said anything, either.  I'm not sure if what I would prefer, to be honest.

The really low this week, though, was that Aris lost his job.  It was a temp job that was originally only supposed to last 8 weeks or so, and it lasted almost a year, so in some ways we should be grateful.  However, the way the whole thing happened is really pretty shitty.  Basically, at the end of the 2014 they told him that they wanted him to go full time and were basically creating a position for him.  The entire time he's worked there, they have been been happy with his performance -- happy enough to keep him around for 9 months past when his original temp position was supposed to end.  This week they basically told him that there were concerns with his performance that no one bothered to mention to him before and they were letting him go.  

So here's the thing:  the only that could have possibly changed in his job performance since the end of 2014 and now is that his wife got cancer.  As a result, he's missed a bunch of days of work so that he could be with me, and he's been late a few times (which he normally never is) because he had to take Calla to pre-school or I was just feeling awful and made both of us late.  So, basically, they are ASSHOLES.  And here's the irony, in case you didn't know.  Aris was working at Augusta Health, a fucking HOSPITAL.  

I mean, seriously, who does that?  Tell someone that they're creating a position for them, then their wife gets cancer so they let them go?  And they work in the medical field.  But since he was still a temp, there's absolutely nothing we can do.  They can just tell the temp company that his job is done, and that's it.

So thank goodness for my sister and her fundraising.  If it weren't for that, I don't know what we'd do.  Luckily, we've been setting up payment plans for the larger medical bills that are coming in, and I have a small declining balance card as part of my crappy insurance plan that we're using for the smaller bills coming in.  So far we have quite a stack of medical bills piled up, but since we've now met my deductible, hopefully they will slow down and eventually come to a stop.

So that's the news for now.  Please send positive thoughts that Aris finds a good new job soon.  I have my last Adriamycin and Cytoxan treatment this Wednesday.  After that, I will have four Taxol treatments, which I'm hoping will be easier on my body.

Chemo sucks

Sorry it's been so long since I posted.  I was going to write two weeks ago and then last week, but I just didn't.  So let me just say straight out:  CHEMO SUCKS.  It's hard to even explain how I feel on a day to day basis, but I'll try my best.  Basically it ranges between an exhausted version "normal" to feeling like someone is poisoning me and I'm dying.  Also, my immune system is crap, so I have a cold constantly.

So instead of giving a blow-by-blow of my last three weeks, which quite frankly would be depressing and boring, I'll just list some highlights:

-  I got a cold, got over it, and got a worse cold.  Calla had the same (first) cold, got over it, and then had some virus that caused her to run a high fever, and now she seems to have another cold.  Ugh.
-  I got a flat tire and needed four new tires and two weeks later, Aris got two flat tires and needed four new tires.  The universe is clearly against us.
- Friday two weeks ago was the last day for one of my staff members, which was bittersweet.  I'm happy for her new opportunity, but we miss her and I'm worried for the rest of my staff to have to take on more responsibilities.  
- I am lucky to have a really great staff who can handle things when I'm not in.  They all have willingly (some of them even eagerly) taken on so much more this semester, and I am so grateful for them!
- I had my second chemo treatment on Wednesday the 18th.  My port actually worked, and there were no unexpected surprises.  Yay for small miracles!  
- So far my plan to work on Mondays after my treatments does not seem to be working.  Both Mondays I've tried to go in, but I've felt so awful that I just couldn't.  This past Monday, I started throwing up and feeling dizzy in the shower, and I actually thought I was going to pass out.  Luckily Aris helped me out of the shower.  I was able to work both days from home, but my whole reason for getting chemo on Wednesdays was so I would be able to go into work on Monday for our staff meetings.  Oh well.
- After my first chemo treatment, I was feeling mostly back to normal by Tuesday afternoon/evening.  This chemo was harder to recover from, and it took me until Thursday to really feel better.  I'm really worried that this will keep getting worse treatment by treatment.
- I am very lucky to have family come to help me/us after every treatment.  My mom came last weekend, and my sister is coming next weekend.  
- As another sign that the universe is against us, Aris' hours are getting cut at work.  The thing that really sucks about this is that in November, he was told that would be going full-time, but now it doesn't look like that's going to happen.  He was hired as a temp almost a year ago, and I guess he's going to stay a temp for the foreseeable future.  This also means that he doesn't have benefits because we thought he was going full-time.
- Calla has stopped taking naps at home and at preschool, which makes evenings such a joy.
- It's been ridiculously cold and snowy, and I'm SO over winter!

Okay, I'm done whining about life now, I guess.  I'll finish up with a few words on hair.  My hair has officially fallen out...for the most part.  I chopped my hair super short on Valentine's Day, and then Aris buzzed it on Sunday.  That Wednesday (the 18th) the stubble I had left started falling out with a vengeance.  It was actually obnoxious as hell when it was falling out - there were little 1/4 inch pieces of hair EVERYWHERE, and I felt like it kept getting in my mouth.  Yuck.  Now I just have a little fuzz left, but honestly I just wish it would all fall out because it looks pretty bad.  I've officially become a hat person, but my head doesn't seem to be the right shape for hats to stay on, so I'm constantly tugging at my hat to keep it in place.  I think maybe I should use double-sided tape or something.  Also, it's really cold without hair!