It's been just over 72 hours since my first chemo treatment, and I must say I feel fairly crappy. It's not anything unexpected, but crappy nonetheless. Mostly, I'm very tired and I have a pretty much consistent headache that goes from really bad to just vaguely there. Luckily, thanks to really good anti-nausea meds, I'm not really nauseous, but I don't have much of an appetite. I was told that my tastes may change, and I have noticed that a bit. My drink of choice, Orange Vitamin Water Zero, which I used to drink all the time, doesn't taste good to me anymore. I guess my ability to taste sweet is reduced or different or something, so it just tastes kind of salty now. Yuck. Luckily, water is tasting pretty good, which is good since that's what I'm supposed to be drinking to flush the chemo out of my system.
For those who were wondering, my hair hasn't fallen out yet, much to Calla's surprise. It takes 1 - 2 weeks to fall out, so I figure I still probably have until next weekend. I really don't want to deal with all of the hair everywhere, so I'm thinking Aris can shave my head as part of a special Valentine's weekend.
I ended up deciding to work from home instead of using most of my energy to go into work on Thursday, which I think was a good decision since I got through almost all of my emails since Monday. I also nodded off on the couch numerous times, which would have been awkward at work. That afternoon I had to go into to the Cancer Center to get my Neulasta shot, which was fairly simple and easy. So my first day post-chemo wasn't very good, but it wasn't terrible either.
On Friday, I woke up feeling worse. Mainly, I couldn't get out of bed for several hours and my head was throbbing. I'm not sleeping great...I can't seem to stay asleep more than 3-4 hours straight, but I also can't stay awake for long periods of time. It's kind of annoying. Honestly, though, I don't really care as much about being tired if my head would just stop hurting. I'm managing it with Advil and Excedrin Migraine, which is having mixed results.
This morning was honestly a little rough in our house, as I was feeling pretty crappy, Calla was being hyper, and Aris was at the end of his rope. Luckily, reinforcements have arrived in the form of grandparents to entertain Calla. My biggest fear at this point is whether I'll be ready to go back to work on Monday morning. I want to have a "normal" week next week, but I don't know if I'll be physically able.
Actually, that's my biggest short-term fear. My biggest long-fear is that I have to have SEVEN more chemo treatments. And apparently the chemo treatments have a cumulative effect, so each one gets worse. I really hope that doesn't end up being true, but I guess I'll find out.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Some fun, port insertion, and first chemo treatment
This time I'll start with the good stuff first. My mother, sister, and nephews came to visit this weekend just to see me, which is the first time anyone has come to visit ME (not my much cuter daughter) since before Calla was born. We went to the Massanutten Water Park (which is indoors, obviously) on Saturday. We had lots of fun, especially Calla, who loves the water! It was so nice to be able to take my mind off the fact that I have cancer and just enjoy spending time with my family. And my mother and sister insisted on paying for everything over the weekend - the waterpark, lunch, dinner, breakfast. I feel so spoiled, so thank you to them for that and for visiting!
I also have to thank my husband for all of his love and support, which I haven't really done yet, because I'm a jerk. Aris has been so great, and it's so helpful knowing that I have his unconditional love and support. And apparently our fundraising is now over $6000! Wow! Thank you everyone. That is amazing!
Onto business...yesterday I had outpatient surgery to have the portacath inserted in my chest. I had a choice between general anesthesia and to stay awake, but obviously be very drowsy and not feel much. I chose not to have general anesthesia, so I vaguely remember the procedure. I remember saying "ouch" a lot. After the surgery, I found out that the doctor couldn't "find" a subclavical vein, so he had to run the catheter up to a vein in my neck. The surgeon told this to my husband after the surgery and apparently told me during the procedure, but I don't remember that. I wish I did, because I hope I asked what the hell he was talking about. What do you mean you can't "find" the vein? It's got to be there - look a little harder! Instead I have a nice hematoma on my neck, and I can kind of feel the catheter under my skin in my neck - ewww.
Also, last night I was feeling the back of neck and there was a whole bunch of dried blood back there by my hairline and in my hair. I said "wow" and Aris came over to look at it and said, "Wow, that's a lot of dried blood." Again, I was sort of awake during the procedure, and I don't remember anyone saying, "Uh oh, a whole bunch of blood is running behind her neck into her hair." That's what I would think someone would say, and I think I would remember that. But, regardless, the port is in. And other than some bruising and a somewhat ugly incision, it's fine.
I guess the big news for this post is that today I had my first chemo treatment. Of course it couldn't just go as planned, so first thing the oncologist told us some bad news. And FYI, this wasn't even my oncologist, who apparently went on vacation this week. Grrrr. So substitute oncologist informed us that my insurance, which you may remember previously denied a PET scan, also denied my treatment plan because it includes herceptin.
As you may or may not remember, my HER2 results were equivocol - not negative or positive. Because the results weren't positive, and apparently herceptin is expensive, my insurance company denied it. Since all they care about is making money and not me actually getting well and staying cancer-free long-term, they decided that it doesn't matter what my oncologist thinks if it's too expensive. So here's something I don't understand...someone actually went to medical school, became a doctor, and then went to work for an insurance company so they can use their education to approve or deny people's life-saving claims? Seriously? This is how you want to use that education? That's just sad to me. It's probably all of the doctors who finished last in their med school class making decisions about my medical treatment. Fucking douchebags. Seriously, if any of my family or friends who are doctors or are in the medical profession are reading this, can you help me out with this? Who are these asshat doctors working for insurance companies?
But I digress...so instead of what I thought I was getting, I'm back to getting 4 cycles of Adriamycin and Cytoxan and then 4 cycles of Taxol two weeks apart. So more chemo cycles, closer together, with worse side effects, and it may not be as effective. Thank you, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, you are the worst health insurance ever. Karma is a bitch, you jackasses.
With that said, you would think the rest of the treatment would go well to make up for the initial crap-fest, but no. My port didn't work. There was no "blood return," i.e. the nurse couldn't draw blood out of the port. So they couldn't use the port and had to put in an IV - my third IV and fifth stick in a week. Why did I even get the damn port if I have to have an IV?!? The nurse was hopeful that it just didn't work because it was only put in yesterday, and will be okay for my next chemo treatment. She'd better be right! Grrrr again.
Right now, we're about 7 hours post-chemo, and I feel okay but very tired. Also a little icky and "fuzzy" (I hope this post makes sense!), but not too bad. I have lots of meds for the nausea, but there's not much they can do for the tired and icky. We'll see how I feel tomorrow morning if I am up to going to work, which was my plan with the other chemo treatment plan. By tomorrow night/Friday morning I'm guessing I'll feel really crappy, but we'll see. Tomorrow afternoon I have to go get a Neulasta shot to help with my blood counts. In a week I have to go get my blood counts checked. My next treatment is in two weeks. Hopefully by then my port will be functioning properly, and I'll at least know what to expect afterward, good or bad.
I also have to thank my husband for all of his love and support, which I haven't really done yet, because I'm a jerk. Aris has been so great, and it's so helpful knowing that I have his unconditional love and support. And apparently our fundraising is now over $6000! Wow! Thank you everyone. That is amazing!
Onto business...yesterday I had outpatient surgery to have the portacath inserted in my chest. I had a choice between general anesthesia and to stay awake, but obviously be very drowsy and not feel much. I chose not to have general anesthesia, so I vaguely remember the procedure. I remember saying "ouch" a lot. After the surgery, I found out that the doctor couldn't "find" a subclavical vein, so he had to run the catheter up to a vein in my neck. The surgeon told this to my husband after the surgery and apparently told me during the procedure, but I don't remember that. I wish I did, because I hope I asked what the hell he was talking about. What do you mean you can't "find" the vein? It's got to be there - look a little harder! Instead I have a nice hematoma on my neck, and I can kind of feel the catheter under my skin in my neck - ewww.
Also, last night I was feeling the back of neck and there was a whole bunch of dried blood back there by my hairline and in my hair. I said "wow" and Aris came over to look at it and said, "Wow, that's a lot of dried blood." Again, I was sort of awake during the procedure, and I don't remember anyone saying, "Uh oh, a whole bunch of blood is running behind her neck into her hair." That's what I would think someone would say, and I think I would remember that. But, regardless, the port is in. And other than some bruising and a somewhat ugly incision, it's fine.
I guess the big news for this post is that today I had my first chemo treatment. Of course it couldn't just go as planned, so first thing the oncologist told us some bad news. And FYI, this wasn't even my oncologist, who apparently went on vacation this week. Grrrr. So substitute oncologist informed us that my insurance, which you may remember previously denied a PET scan, also denied my treatment plan because it includes herceptin.
As you may or may not remember, my HER2 results were equivocol - not negative or positive. Because the results weren't positive, and apparently herceptin is expensive, my insurance company denied it. Since all they care about is making money and not me actually getting well and staying cancer-free long-term, they decided that it doesn't matter what my oncologist thinks if it's too expensive. So here's something I don't understand...someone actually went to medical school, became a doctor, and then went to work for an insurance company so they can use their education to approve or deny people's life-saving claims? Seriously? This is how you want to use that education? That's just sad to me. It's probably all of the doctors who finished last in their med school class making decisions about my medical treatment. Fucking douchebags. Seriously, if any of my family or friends who are doctors or are in the medical profession are reading this, can you help me out with this? Who are these asshat doctors working for insurance companies?
But I digress...so instead of what I thought I was getting, I'm back to getting 4 cycles of Adriamycin and Cytoxan and then 4 cycles of Taxol two weeks apart. So more chemo cycles, closer together, with worse side effects, and it may not be as effective. Thank you, Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield, you are the worst health insurance ever. Karma is a bitch, you jackasses.
With that said, you would think the rest of the treatment would go well to make up for the initial crap-fest, but no. My port didn't work. There was no "blood return," i.e. the nurse couldn't draw blood out of the port. So they couldn't use the port and had to put in an IV - my third IV and fifth stick in a week. Why did I even get the damn port if I have to have an IV?!? The nurse was hopeful that it just didn't work because it was only put in yesterday, and will be okay for my next chemo treatment. She'd better be right! Grrrr again.
Right now, we're about 7 hours post-chemo, and I feel okay but very tired. Also a little icky and "fuzzy" (I hope this post makes sense!), but not too bad. I have lots of meds for the nausea, but there's not much they can do for the tired and icky. We'll see how I feel tomorrow morning if I am up to going to work, which was my plan with the other chemo treatment plan. By tomorrow night/Friday morning I'm guessing I'll feel really crappy, but we'll see. Tomorrow afternoon I have to go get a Neulasta shot to help with my blood counts. In a week I have to go get my blood counts checked. My next treatment is in two weeks. Hopefully by then my port will be functioning properly, and I'll at least know what to expect afterward, good or bad.
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